(dress/bow: forever 21; blazer: vintage; belt/lace top: thrifted; tights: tjmaxx; shoes: seychelles)
I've been feeling too safe lately. Every once and a while I stumble upon a blog or a film or a story that reinforces this feeling of stasis and I feel swollen, waterlogged. Today it was this blog, which I would like to read front-to-back through the archives like a novel that I can't put down. It's not enough to live vicariously anymore. I want to be pushed to my outer limits, to be stretched and pulled and spread thin along my lifeline, but I keep waiting for some external force to kickstart my great adventure and getting backed up in the same spot over and over again. That external force only exists in the movies, where conflict is the catalyst for change. In real life the catalyst has to come from some internal rumblings, and those are too easily dismissed, too easily dampered and too easily tamed (the absence of conflict can be a curse). This weekend, my brother and I were discussing how unfortunate it is that the simplest desires seem like the most difficult to achieve. We know that we could rise to the top of the capitalist circus if we worked hard and applied ourselves, making money and paying off loans and buying and using and discarding, but to duck out for a while and roam around the world and forget what day it is or what time and eventually settle down in a small homestead in the country somewhere--that is harder to do. Once on a certain track, you have to make money and save and slog through several years before that way of life can unfold for you. And isn't that unfair? Maybe this is me just getting in my own way, but I know I couldn't make this life happen for myself right now... and that's a bummer.
Yeahhhhh, so apologies for dumping my innerworkings on you day in and day out. Maybe when the sun starts shining I'll shift my tone away from this minor chord. How do you shake things up? What keeps you from feeling too safe in your daily life? Or do you prefer the security of a regular routine?