Wednesday, January 11, 2012

in which i was never promised a rose garden

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I love this dress. It's a little bit retro, a little bit rock-a-billy, a little bit mod. Or something. Anyway, I enjoy it.

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(dress: forever 21 via plato's closet; tights: hue; shoes: seychelles)

I'm going through a phase. I go through phases a lot, which is why I haven't quite figured out what to do with my life. I fluctuate between wanting to embrace my country mouse spirit, and then a month goes by and I feel the stirrings of my city mouse self again. I've been feeling very uninspired by office work, very disconnected from myself as I sit on my ass and stare straight into a pixelated world that doesn't much matter to me for eight hours a day. I want to get out in the world and DO something. Maybe it's just cabin fever. If that's so, I'm in trouble, because it's only January and the winter has just begun.

I go through these periods where I want to live on a farm. I want something simple and raw and down to earth (literally). I want to wake up early and feed animals that will then feed me, later on (eggs and milk and cheese). I want to drink hot tea in the afternoon and do crossword puzzles, or read, and then go out and get my hands dirty turning the soil or picking vegetables for dinner. I want my work to be a true reflection of myself. I always fought against that feeling before, telling myself that I could work to live (and telling others, in my preaching way)--that those 40-hour weeks, in their routine no frills/no surprises way, could be freeing. That health insurance and free weekends were worth all the numbness and boredom of the workweek.

I'm not sure I believe it anymore.

This week, I want to milk goats. Even in the cold. I want to invest in things like warm boots and thick, puffy coats instead of pretty dresses and ludicrously high heels. Next week, who knows? There are just so many things I could do, and none of them seem quite perfect. Not perfect enough to drop everything for, anyway.

12 comments:

  1. adore your beautiful outfit, dear. and I'm sure you'll figure out soon what to do with your life, just give yourself a little bit more time :)

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  2. that is such an adorable dress, i hope they have it here, gorgeous as always

    http://blogoftheprettythings.blogspot.com/

    xxx

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  3. Aww this dress is so pretty, I love the floral embroideries paired with the polkadots and the girly fit! CUTE!
    Oh I can totally relate to this zigzag between things I want to do in my life! On the one hand I'm a country girl,born and raised in a tiny village with fields all around and I love it there, but on the other hand there are so many things about the countryside that I dislike. Since I live in the city I conside rmyself more a city person... but I also like going home to the village..torn between two worlds, kind of.. ;)
    But you know what? As I'm a philosophy girl too, I live after Heraclit's wise words "Everything flows." I think life will automatically bring us to where we belong ;)

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  4. But farms aren't really like that any more are they? You'd be growing battery hens or something. I hear you though. I'm applying for jobs all over (there are none, typical) and sometimes I astonish myself with the sacrifice of comfort and brain cells I'm prepared to make to switch focus in my "career." Pfff

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  5. Very cool dress. I love the detailing down the front.

    I know how you feel with fluctuating desires on what you want to do with your life. There are days when I'm ok with routine, and then other days where I just want to drop it all and go live in a yurt somewhere or spend my days hiking through foreign countries.

    North Country Girl

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  6. I sometimes really want to run away somewhere secluded and "live off the land" it sounds like such a good life, but in reality I don't think I could do it.
    I really love this dress, it's gorgeous especially with the little floral details :)
    xJennaD

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  7. I always love all your looks!

    I too can relate to the push/pull of wanting to do something else, but still uncertain. I think lots of us are in that position. Even being in Chicago I want to run away to New York... but then I don't want to be poor.

    Sometimes you just have to make the jump to the next point...or just be grateful for what you have (in my experience, anyway). :)

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  8. Love the dress. I especially like the detailing on the front.

    I struggle with the feeling of hating what I do for a living and wanting to drop it all and just do stuff I LOVE, and being realistic and realizing I need insurance and money. I'm hoping that at some point something will come my way that just fits me perfectly. Until then I'm just making due the best I can!

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  9. Your dress is just beautiful, the flowerful bodice just perfect!

    I came across a Jonathan Safran Foer quote on tumblr the other day: "Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living" That made me think how there are a million different directions I want my life to take and sometimes it is hard to pick just one when really you want to split yourself down the middle and experience all manner of different routes. Mortality sucks. I reckon I could quite happily live multiple lifes, each completely unlike the other.

    Office work can be a horror for feeling removed from yourself. Best short-term remedy I know is long walks at lunch time :)

    Happy new year!

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  10. Ever year I get terrible cabin fever like this. It feels like everything needs to change RIGHT NOW. But then I never do anything about it, except maybe cut my hair. Maybe this year I'll make something awesome happen.

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  11. i totally get this! sounds like an existential moment-- i recommend reading the lord of the rings, especially the first... it seems to sort things out! haha, but seriously it does! : )

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  12. Wow I totally relate. Sometimes I feel like I want to do so many different things in life that I feel like I need extra lives to do them! It's hard to decide.
    Also, I have this dress too!

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