I'm feeling very contented lately. Work may bore the living daylights out of me, but lately instead of feeling blah about it I find myself looking forward to the evenings and weekends with something akin to vengeance... and it works! I feel light as air!
(dress: F21; cardigan: Bargain Boutique; shoes: Kohl's; bracelets: gift from mom; necklace: UO)
I've never been the kind of person who found fulfillment through my job, and I never expected to choose a career that would complete me. I've always seen employment as the means to an entirely different end, and as soon as I stopped expecting my job to satisfy me I discovered that I can coast through the eight hours at the office without expending much energy (though still getting the job done to the best of my ability--I'm certainly no slacker) and focus on infusing the other 128 hours of every week with the inspiration and flat-out fun that I had been too downtrodden to seek out. Instead of whining about what isn't going on, I'm making a concerted effort to find out what is. There is always something to do it you know where to look!
Sometimes I do wish that I could use my creative energy in a professional way (working on a film crew, going back into theatre, playing music), but as soon as somebody starts expecting something from me I rebel against it. I enjoy the freedom of personal creative pursuits--when I did theatre I started to dread rehearsals and performances because they discouraged spontaneity and interfered with my ability to do whatever I happened to want to do in a particular moment. As soon as I immersed myself in the experience I inevitably enjoyed it, but that dark cloud of dread still hung over me when a weekend was looming and I had already completely committed to more of the same singing and dancing under the bright hot lights of the stage. I think that's why I like blogging so much--I want to keep posting because I don't have to, and I have complete freedom of expression when I do.