happy new year!

2013 was a big year for me.

I bought a new car.

I finally went on that three-month cross-country road trip I've been dreaming of for over a decade.

I moved into a little house on the lake.

I chopped off all of my hair.

I got glasses.

I started telecommuting.

I upgraded to an iPhone after years of resistance.

I basically stopped blogging... whoops.

I'm not really into setting specific goals for 2014, but I do know that I want MORE: more travel, more time with friends, more creative expression, more mindfulness. I want to focus on making healthy choices.  I want to eat more natural, raw foods, and drink less alcohol/eat less sugar.  I want to start making more of my own foods, and convince K to let me cook more nutritiously ;).  I want to sew.  I can't wait to have a little garden this summer.

I think 2014 is going to be a good one, too :)

make it happen

New outfit location?  For some reason I really liked this getup, so I took a picture on the back porch (which is much less stressful than exposing myself to public scrutiny).  Maybe the era of outfit photos isn't over after all... Still, there isn't really anything spectacularly thrilling about the clothes.  Mostly I just liked that my scarf matched my tights.  

There has been a lot going on in my head lately.  I've been feeling extraordinarily antisocial--leaving the house for any reason seems like such a chore, even though staying in makes me antsy and irritable.  I feel like I'm just in this holding pattern while I'm waiting for the trip to start, because I've planned so much, so many little details, and now I'm just adrift.  I feel like I can't talk about anything but the trip, but at the same time I don't really want to talk about it.  I am just WAITING.  And I hate waiting.

I've also been thinking a lot about what will happen when the trip is over.  How will I transition back into "normal" life?  K will be starting grad school at UVM (we decided to stay where we are, even though he got into EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL he applied to... what a guy), we'll be looking for a new apartment, and although I'll most likely be returning to my current job, I'm hoping to start up again in a telecommuting capacity... but I want to make sure I really start maximizing every day, making the most of this little life.

Way back in 2010, I wrote a post outlining obstacles for planning a long trip around the world.  While many of the points I made in that post are no longer relevant (I don't think that I'm a "dried-up version of my former self" because I don't want to go out dancing every night, I just feel like I'm a grown-up version of my former self), I will admit that the primary difference is that I've paid down a significant portion of my debt and am ready to start racking it up again.  So much of my life choices lately have become just that: CHOICES.  I have become more and more focused on figuring out what really makes me happy and what I do just because I can or feel like I should.

This post really struck home with me.

The reason I am happier now that I was two years ago: I decided to be.  It really is as simple as that.  That's how everything fell into place.  That's why this trip is happening.  I decided to make it happen.  So much of how we feel and what we do is dependent on our level of mindfulness and self-awareness, and I'm only starting to commit to the idea that I can make things happen for myself.  It's such a small, obvious thing, but I spent so much of my life resisting it, relying on chance or fate to make decisions for me.  It seems so silly now, so immature.  Once I identified what I really wanted (the trip, above all else), it was easy to cut superfluous spending.  I didn't kill time shopping.  I cut out cocktails and coffee beverages.  And suddenly I was able to put large chunks of money into my savings account, while still keeping up with expenses and paying down debt.  It's amazing to me how simple it was.

Despite the fact that we live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, it seems to me that most of us are neither.  We find jobs that help support our consumer habits, that allow us to pay for the outrageously expensive educations we received, that make possible the purchase of cars and homes and televisions and help support the raising of children who will most likely go on to overpriced universities and spend the rest of their lives repeating the cycle.  We lay down roots and are comforted by their strength as they thicken and stretch.  We think we're doing what we want because that's what we have been taught or told to want. That, to me, is not freedom.  We do what is easy, what pays the bills, what is socially acceptable.   That, to me, is not bravery.

Traveling around the country in a car for three months is not everyone's idea of a good time.  We have mixed reactions when we tell people our plans--some are envious, some are incredulous.  What matters is that is where MY happy is.  Or maybe it's not.  Maybe I've just idealized and romanticized it my whole life, and in fact I will have a terrible time and be cured of my wanderlust forevermore.  The point is, I need to find out.  I need to do it.  And so I will, because I can.  

What would you do, if you could do anything?

in which i make january resolutions

Coat #3!  This basic pea coat is a blast from the past, that's for sure.  I rarely wear it because it's not very warm and doesn't fit all that well, but it's still in my closet!  I think I got this one back in college (yelp, maybe before) so it's been at least six years...

(coat: mudd; shorts/scarf: thrifted; shoes: lulu*s; bag/earmuffs: urban outfitters; ring: etsy)

I'm still not totally caught up on all of the stuff I need to get done before I can finally feel relaxed again, but last night I finally got the sink empty, went to the gym, and read several chapters of Middlemarch, so I'm working my way through the week :)  Tonight is the first Art Club meeting in a while, and this weekend K and I are going to take down the tree and bring it to the drop-off in town.

I don't really do "resolutions" at this time of year, mostly because I make a sort of "bucket list" on my birthday every year so making resolutions just seems redundant. That said, I would like to make a few smaller, easily-attainable goals for the month ahead (and onward through 2013).  It can be overwhelming to try to follow the exact same resolutions for a full year (and let's be honest, nobody does it), especially since things happen, people change, priorities change (yes, even over the course of a year), and I think it makes some sense to set out to accomplish just a few small things each month.  So:

Get a Haircut

I haven't had my hair cut in over two years.  Whoops!  It is beyond time to hack off some of these split ends.

Exercise 3x/Week

Now that I have a workout video at my disposal, it can't be THAT hard to get some sort of exercise during the week.  I want to work out at least three times each week, either at the gym or in my living room.  I am so out of shape and my clothes are a bit snug after the holidays, so something needs to happen, fast!

Buy No Coffee Beverages or Clothes, and No Alcohol During the Week

I want to say I'll buy no alcohol at all, but I know that I would be setting myself up to fail.  I have had no desire to drink after all the imbibery of Christmas and New Years, so going without shouldn't be too hard.  I'm on a pretty strict savings plan from here on out, and I need to find serious ways to cut back!

Take Down Christmas Tree and Catch Up on Cleaning

Our house is sort of a wreck lately.  I can't even empty the sink of dishes before it fills up again, and our tree is dying and dropping needles everywhere.  It will be nice to take the tree down and put everything back in its rightful place.

Make Ravioli

I want to make more ravioli!  I still don't have a pasta maker, but it can be relaxing to spend an evening cooking and rolling dough, and the results have (so far) been delicious. I'd really like to become a more self-sufficient eater in the New Year.

The biggest one for me is the commitment not to buy coffee (except at the grocery store), alcohol (except maybe on the weekends, but not if I can help it), or new clothes.  I really need to save some money (especially since taxes went up, and on my small paycheck that is painful) if I want to make this my best year yet!

27 by 28

(day-to-night, 10/28/12)

27 (Goals) for my 27(th Year)

1. Have book published

2. Knit a scarf

3. Swim in the Atlantic

4. Swim in the Pacific

5. Go snorkeling

6. See the wild horses at Assateague

7. Sleep under the stars

8. Tour Hearst Castle

9. Ride a trolley in San Francisco

10. Have a Hurricane on Bourbon Street

11. Meet Old Faithful

12. Visit Monterey Bay Aquarium

13. Drink from the Fountain of Youth

14. Eat from a taco truck

15. Play the violin

16. Tour Napa Valley

17. Go white-water rafting

18. Host a dinner party

19. Have breakfast at home each morning (not in the car)

20. Participate in a protest for women's reproductive freedom

21. Soak in natural hot springs

22. Read 25 books

23. Do a painting

24. Clean the apartment weekly

25. Have Ethiopian food with Shelley :)

26. Send cards

27. Take one photo a day (at least)

26 by 27: update

Well, that time has come, my friends! Last October I created a 26 before 27 list, and I have to say, I actually think I did pretty well!  Judge for yourself:

26 (Goals) for my 26(th year)

1. Finish a first draft of my novel!

2. Finish in-progress TV pilot

3. Finish in-progress screenplay

4. Exercise at least 3x/week

5. Take an extended road trip

6. Rediscover film

7. Try Ethiopian food

8. Design and sew a dress

9. Sing karaoke

10. Go camping

11. Apply for an MFA program OR teach abroad

12. Go to the dentist (ha!)

13. Read all major religious texts

14. Get a massage

15. Take a train

16. Go cross-country skiing

17. See live music outside

18. Visit Walden Pond

19. Sell some clothes

20. Go ice-skating

21. Have a picnic

22. See a Broadway show

23. Have my short film transferred to DVD

24. Go to a jazz club in Montreal

25. Reorganize my filing cabinet

26. Stop biting my damn nails.

I mean, considering how badly I've done at goals in the past... :)  I'm excited for my new list. 

Stay tuned!

in which i try to be classy

Boy, am I pasty. The sun brings it out :)

(skirt: thrifted; love me do dress: modcloth; trench: h&m; shoes: seychelles)

I had a good, productive weekend, with lots of shopping and Starbucks and sewing and sushi (the four s's!).  I've almost finished my ice cream dress--all I need to do is add a lace collar!  I definitely think my sewing skills are improving.  I'm learning as I go, which is the only way I can really handle learning (kinetic, all the way).  I get antsy just watching 2 minute YouTube video tutorials, and while making mistakes is definitely frustrating, I definitely need to be able to jump in and get my hands on a project that excites me, rather than teaching myself in a practical, standard step-by-step way (practicing stitches and the like).  What does that say about me?  I don't know.  I think I'm kind of like that in all aspects of my life.

In other news, in my quest to grow up and become classier, I have made myself a little list of guidelines for

How To Be Classy

1. wear lipstick casually (like today!)
2. stop biting fingernails
3. further to the above, repaint fingernails when polish starts to chip
4. two drink limit
5. exercise regularly
6. get a haircut more than once a year (whoops...)
7. invest in basics (LBDs, quality trench coats, breton stripes, etc.)
8. experiment with up-dos
9. listen to French music
10. keep the apartment clean

Those are good enough :)  Baby steps.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go reapply my casual lipstick, which has become rather trampy-looking after my morning cup of coffee...

in which i simplify

Maybe it's the springtime, but I've been feeling some serious waves of change wash over me lately.  I suddenly feel like I'm ready to grow up.  I've been feeling it for a while, really, chasing me down, but now the need is nipping at my heels.  I mentioned last week that I'm in a bit of a blogging rut, and that I think my blog might need to evolve in some way, so I've been puzzling that out.  There may be some changes around these parts in the coming months.

(dress: tjmaxx; trench: h&m; vest: plato's closet; shoes: seychelles; glasses: c/o glassesusa.com; necklace: uo)

Suddenly, almost overnight, I feel like my closet represents who I've been, not who I am.  I might be ready to move beyond babydoll dresses and peter pan collars, toward more classic cuts and prints.  I don't want people to mistake me for fifteen anymore.  I'm just trying to figure out what that might mean.

Maybe it's because I finished my novel, and now I feel like I can move into the next stage of my life.  While the book is most definitely fiction, there is an angst about it that characterizes the past few years of my life--sort of a metaphor for my not knowing what to do with myself, or where my true passions lie.  Maybe it's because I've been making a conscious effort to be more creative on a daily basis.  Maybe it's because I'm learning to accept and understand modern technology (I blame Instagram for making me want an iPhone).  I think I'm slowly starting to see the light, but I'm still struggling to find the motivation I need to make things happen when I have no idea even where to begin.

So that's where I'm at right now.  I didn't realize until I was editing these pictures that it sort of looks like I am wearing a parachute.  How apt.  Here we go!

in the new year i would like to...

//cook real meals with fresh veggies each night
//spend long, lovely days reading all the way through good books
//sleep more
//be tidier, for k's sake
//have adventures, always, in town and out
//spend more time outside
//write

in which i am 26

It's my birthday today! Hooray! :) In honor of the occasion, I pulled out my red tights. Apparently the sun also decided to pull out his shine for me, like a big, bright spotlight on my day. So these photos are a little wacky, but I'm not going to stress about it because I'm not allowed to stress out on my birthday. I have no idea what I'll be doing this evening, because my fellow has kept it quite secret, but I'm excited! I have no doubt that it will be tons of fun :) This weekend is going to be packed full of all the very best people in my life. I'm so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family, it makes it easier to know I won't be growing old alone ;)

(dress/bows: f21; tights: hue; shoes: seychelles)

Last year I made up a big long list of things I wanted to accomplish when I was 25, and... well, let's just say I'm not even going to update you on my progress because it's pretty embarrassing how badly I failed to deliver. So this time around I'm going to try to be a little more realistic (and a little more specific). Wish me luck!

26 (Goals) for my 26(th year)

1. Finish a first draft of my novel!

2. Finish in-progress TV pilot

3. Finish in-progress screenplay

4. Exercise at least 3x/week

5. Take an extended road trip

6. Rediscover film

7. Try Ethiopian food

8. Design and sew a dress

9. Sing karaoke

10. Go camping

11. Apply for an MFA program OR teach abroad

12. Go to the dentist (ha!)

13. Read all major religious texts

14. Get a massage

15. Take a train

16. Go cross-country skiing

17. See live music outside

18. Visit Walden Pond

19. Sell some clothes

20. Go ice-skating

21. Have a picnic

22. See a Broadway show

23. Have my short film transferred to DVD

24. Go to a jazz club in Montreal

25. Reorganize my filing cabinet

26. Stop biting my damn nails.

in which look mr mojo i'm a coffee pot

I love coffee, I love tea

I love the java jive and it loves me!
Coffee and tea and the jivin' and me,
A cup-a cup-a cup-a cup-a cup, yeah!

(sweater: cedar chest; skirt/hat/belt: thrifted; shoes: seychelles)

... yeah.

I think this outfit has a great coffee&cream vibe going on. I had almost entirely forgotten about this sweater (which I stole from my parents' cedar chest long ago), but when I was puzzling over what to pair with this lovely pleated skirt, it immediately sprang to mind. I think this skirt is so pretty--just another Goodwill gem!

I had... quite a weekend. The kind of weekend that I kind of hope doesn't happen again for... ever. But that's enough of that. It's officially my birthday week (and Halloween is just around the corner)! I must admit, now that's it is starting to get reallllly cold at night (and snow is in the forecast), I'm getting excited for the holiday season. Since K will be away for Christmas and New Years again this year (visiting the family out in Washington), I'm going to have to get an early start on the celebratory spirit! But I'm getting ahead of myself... perhaps for now I should focus on getting that pumpkin carved. I live way too much in the future, and it's been quite detrimental to my mental health lately. I need to learn to be more present. Perhaps that will be one of my 26 goals for this new year...