in which i go the artist's way

I promise I'll stop wearing such dreary colors, it's just been so... winter lately. (Although I have to say, I was amazed at how warm it was when I left for work this morning--and then I found out it was only 26 degrees. It's all relative, I suppose...) I've gotten into the habit of throwing these easy, cozy plaid scarves over outfits they don't really belong with, but I like it.

(velvet skirt/scarf/shoes: thrifted; shirt: uo; headband: modcloth)

I love how Modcloth throws a little somethin' extra in all of their packages. I ordered a Valentine's Day dress (at least, that's when I intend to wear it) from them during the big sale/free shipping extravaganza, and they included this little headband for free. Not so sure about the dress--I think it's terribly unflattering but I can't be sure yet. Time will tell...

Anyway...

A couple of weeks ago I bought a book called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. I was inspired because I saw that a creative group in my community was reading and using the book as a tool for furthering their artistic endeavors, and it sounded relevant to my own Art Club. Since we are getting together tomorrow night, I wanted to get a head start on the book so that I felt I could share my thoughts at the meeting--and I was surprisingly inspired! I feel like I need to make a disclaimer here, and I promise not to get all self-helpy and annoying about this, but I was so affected by just the Introduction to this book that I knew I had to share with you guys.

As Julia was explaining her writing process and the moment when she realized she needed to radically revamp the way she thought and went about creating, it felt eerily familiar. As she described the misconceptions she had about what it meant to be an "artist," I found myself getting nervous. And then when she said that she realized she needed to abandon her ego to become truly free, I became downright frightened... and that was when I realized that this could really work for me.

I am not a self-help kind of person. I've always dismissed new-agey mumbojumbo about "The Secret" as... well, obvious. I've always felt that I had remarkable self awareness, and took that as proof that I don't need fixing. I know where the problem areas are in my life, but that doesn't mean I know how to change them right now--I placed blame on circumstance, not self. I have always had faith that I would eventually figure it all out. Well, here's the thing: I have an ego. I always thought that a well-formed, well-understood ego was the most essential part of the creative process. I always felt proud that I was as close to expressing my true, basic self as I possibly could be in proper society. I stubbornly cling to my vices and passions (no matter how self-destructive) like precious gems--these were the things that made me interesting, that inspired my angsty creativity, that kept me in touch with the human condition--amidst all this madness, I had true clarity. But I think I was wrong.

I never wanted to be one of those people. You know? The women who do yoga every morning and go for long, marathon runs and consume nothing but salad and sparkling water and smile all the time because they have so much control. I always felt that control was the enemy of creativity. But as Julia wrote about the spurts of creative energy she once relied on, racing against the clock as she drank her way through the stages of loosening to free her proverbial tongue and put words on the page ("bleeding prose") until she tipped over into drunkenness and her mind slowed to a halt, I thought maybe I didn't need a glass of wine for every thousand words. When she said that now she can just write, without waiting for the mood to strike, I thought wouldn't that be nice?

So I'm going to try it. The basic tools are:

Morning Pages

("Worrying about your job, the laundry, the weird look your friend gave you – all that stuff distracts you from your creativity. It eddies through your subconsciousness and muddies your day. Get it on the page first thing in the morning and move on with your day with a freer spirit.")

This one spoke to me immediately, mostly because I used to journal much more often and I miss it... it always helped to purge all of my drama onto the page. This morning, I woke up and wrote my morning pages in bed. And then I just got up. No problem. Considering the difficulty I've been having forcing myself out of bed in the mornings, this was quite a coup.

Artist Dates

("The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you. The Artist Date need not be overtly “artistic”– think mischief more than mastery. Artist Dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about the play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well of images and inspiration.")

This is something that I desperately need. When I was single, I used to take my "inner artist" out on excursions all the time. I used to sit for hours in coffee shops, just observing, or reading, or writing whatever came to mind. I used to ride my bike to the Museum of Fine Art and wander through the galleries in silence, pausing when I wanted to pause, flying through exhibits that didn't speak to me. I went to a movie by myself in the middle of the day. I sat on my balcony and devoured Simone de Beauvoir stories, uninterrupted. I need to recapture some of that--those calm, quiet moments where my mind could breathe, when I was completely alone and open to inspiration. I am an introvert, after all. It's hard for me to balance true selfhood with my relationships, because I have a hard time saying 'no.' I want everyone to be happy. I need to make sure to make space for myself in the coming weeks. It's easy to understand why getting out in the world and absorbing the artistry of it is important to "unblock" creative streams--if we sit on our butt in an office all day and then sit in front of mindless TV all night, where are we supposed to draw inspiration?

Creative Clusters

("Creative clusters, where we gather as peers to develop our strength, are best regarded as tribal gatherings, where creative beings raise, celebrate, and actualize the creative power which runs through us all.")

I already have the Creative Cluster in my Art Club ladyfriends. Bonus.

So, I apologize if all you want from this blog is photos of clothes. That was long-winded. But I think this is a good reminder that to be a creative person (I would even go as far as to say to be a person), we need to make time for ourselves. We need to slough off our negativity through some sort of meditation, whether it be writing morning pages or practicing yoga or simply sitting and listening to music. We need to be alone, experiencing the world without a gadget yapping at us, for several hours at regular intervals (Julia says once a week). And we need to get together with friends who are truly supportive and intelligent and positive influences on our lives.

So please--go forth and be awesome ;)

in which i expound on uniqueness

Elizabeth of Delightfully Tacky posted about uniqueness on her blog today, and it got me thinking. In recent months/years, I have become increasingly aware of the incredible uniqueness of individuals and the amazing potential for personal growth that comes from interacting with and inspiring each other in a meaningful way. I'm not talking about fashion. I'm not talking about following trends. I'm not talking about being inspired to bake macarons becuase that's what people are doing these days. I'm also not discarding any of those things, because I do draw inspiration from trends in the blogosphere and I do believe that my life is enriched by them (if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here). That said, fashion is still a superficial manifestation of selfhood--for the most part, it doesn't say much of anything about who we are (except maybe that we care about how we present ourselves to the world, which isn't a bad thing).

(shorts/shirt/hat: thrifted; shoes: kohl's; scarf: forever 21)

I've been lucky, in my life, to have extraordinarily meaningful relationships--with friends, family, and even with strangers. I enjoy conversations that jump right to the marrow of the matter and burrow deeper and deeper until they hit giddy, hysterical laughter, free-flowing tears, or finally level out like a long, satisfying sigh of contentment. A few days ago, Elizabeth also mentioned the "growth zone," where we push ourselves beyond our usual level of comfort, and eventually expand our comfort zone. I'm not a religious person by any means, but I do have a spiritual side (as evidenced here), and I definitely believe that while we're here on earth we should try to see and experience as much as possible, always pushing ourselves to the absolute limit. While traveling to the ends of the earth is a big part of that for me, connecting with interesting people and having enlightening conversations is the other part. When we are true to ourselves and open to each other, we can really expand our experiences. I think our generation has a tendency to judge each other rather harshly (we compare ourselves to others and react offensively to counteract our own creeping self-doubt), but most of those snap judgments are made based on superficial reasons like the way we choose to dress or the music we like to listen to--and we are all so much more than that.

I've come to believe that every single person on this earth has the potential to be endlessly fascinating. Not only are we born completely unique, our experiences in life are so varied and the choices we've made and have yet to make are so infinite, if we commit to knowing ourselves and knowing others truly (madly) and deeply, that is the best way to find happiness and fulfillment in our lifetimes. This does not necessarily mean that I want to be friends with everyone or that everyone will want to be friends with me. We are not all compatible. Some may prefer to float merrily along on the surfaces of things (which I honestly find rather enviable). But if we are open and genuine with each other (and more importantly, with ourselves) we will know a true soul mate when we find one (and I mean that in both the platonic and romantic sense). I may not know what I want to "do" with my life, but I certainly know what I want to "be." And at this point, I think that's far more important.

On a totally unrelated note, last night K and I did this (can you spot the hot air balloon?):

And then this happened:

So we did this:

Went home, had some wine, and watched "Just Go With It," which I actually rather enjoyed. Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston have been impressing me lately (with Grown Ups and The Switch, respectively, and now this). Just because I like to overanalyze everything and swim in the deep sea of humanity doesn't mean that I can't enjoy a nice, light-hearted rom-com once in a while (or... often). I'm not afraid to admit to my guilty pleasures!

If you're feeling forthcoming, I'd love to hear about one of your most formative moments. Let's bust this blogging thing wide open!

city mouse/country mouse

What a pleasant surprise! The morning sun has finally risen above the trees, casting long shadows on the snow and warming my face like sweet melted butter--spring has arrived! It's as if Mother Nature is rewarding me for all of those early AMs spent shivering in the sleet and snow for the sake of this little blog :)

Today I decided to let my inner gypsy come out to play.

I came the the conclusion years ago that the primary problem I have (in life) is with finding a compromise between two halves of my self. My inner yin and yang, if you will. It's very City Mouse/Country Mouse.

On one hand, I am a Vermonter at heart... I love long, quiet walks in the woods and reading for hours on a sun-stroked rock in the middle of a babbling brook. I love crackling fireplaces and woodsmoke and quaint little towns and quiet little lakeside cabins. I love dirt roads and green fields and big blue skies and holstein cows and banjos. I love long flowing dresses and paisley scarves and gold bangles and dancing/spinning like a nymph around a bonfire on a midsummer's night. I like to be barefoot.

The flip side of my personal proverbial coin is my city-slicker style. I love walking fast on busy city streets juggling Starbucks and shopping bags. I fondly remember days spent watching through the windows of coffee shops as the constant, uninterrupted flow of moving bodies and bikes and trains harmonized with the cacophonous clang of jangling subway trains and rapid conversations in a variety of voices. I love long nights spent sipping wine on rooftops looking out over bright city lights, and dancing to loud music in dark, smoky clubs until I'm tired and sweaty and thrilled to the bone. If I can't be barefoot, I'm always in high high heels.

What's a girl to do? It's as if my personality is split in two and I can't decide who I want to be! I guess all I can do is try to find a common ground between my two selves. And so? Gypsy scarves and high heels and nymph-twirl-dancing in smoky clubs and sipping wine while looking out over the bright lights of the stars in the sky and perking up my ears at the sound of the Amtrak train as it rushes & rumbles past my country window in the night... a brief reminder of the joys and noise of city life.

(jumper&belt&scarf: thrifted; cardigan: Target; tights: HUE; moccasins: Minnetonka)

In other news, K and I got the apartment in Richmond and will be moving in less than three weeks!! I'm so excited & pleased & relieved :)

Happy Thursday, everyone!