in which i simplify

Maybe it's the springtime, but I've been feeling some serious waves of change wash over me lately.  I suddenly feel like I'm ready to grow up.  I've been feeling it for a while, really, chasing me down, but now the need is nipping at my heels.  I mentioned last week that I'm in a bit of a blogging rut, and that I think my blog might need to evolve in some way, so I've been puzzling that out.  There may be some changes around these parts in the coming months.

(dress: tjmaxx; trench: h&m; vest: plato's closet; shoes: seychelles; glasses: c/o glassesusa.com; necklace: uo)

Suddenly, almost overnight, I feel like my closet represents who I've been, not who I am.  I might be ready to move beyond babydoll dresses and peter pan collars, toward more classic cuts and prints.  I don't want people to mistake me for fifteen anymore.  I'm just trying to figure out what that might mean.

Maybe it's because I finished my novel, and now I feel like I can move into the next stage of my life.  While the book is most definitely fiction, there is an angst about it that characterizes the past few years of my life--sort of a metaphor for my not knowing what to do with myself, or where my true passions lie.  Maybe it's because I've been making a conscious effort to be more creative on a daily basis.  Maybe it's because I'm learning to accept and understand modern technology (I blame Instagram for making me want an iPhone).  I think I'm slowly starting to see the light, but I'm still struggling to find the motivation I need to make things happen when I have no idea even where to begin.

So that's where I'm at right now.  I didn't realize until I was editing these pictures that it sort of looks like I am wearing a parachute.  How apt.  Here we go!

in which i expound on uniqueness

Elizabeth of Delightfully Tacky posted about uniqueness on her blog today, and it got me thinking. In recent months/years, I have become increasingly aware of the incredible uniqueness of individuals and the amazing potential for personal growth that comes from interacting with and inspiring each other in a meaningful way. I'm not talking about fashion. I'm not talking about following trends. I'm not talking about being inspired to bake macarons becuase that's what people are doing these days. I'm also not discarding any of those things, because I do draw inspiration from trends in the blogosphere and I do believe that my life is enriched by them (if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here). That said, fashion is still a superficial manifestation of selfhood--for the most part, it doesn't say much of anything about who we are (except maybe that we care about how we present ourselves to the world, which isn't a bad thing).

(shorts/shirt/hat: thrifted; shoes: kohl's; scarf: forever 21)

I've been lucky, in my life, to have extraordinarily meaningful relationships--with friends, family, and even with strangers. I enjoy conversations that jump right to the marrow of the matter and burrow deeper and deeper until they hit giddy, hysterical laughter, free-flowing tears, or finally level out like a long, satisfying sigh of contentment. A few days ago, Elizabeth also mentioned the "growth zone," where we push ourselves beyond our usual level of comfort, and eventually expand our comfort zone. I'm not a religious person by any means, but I do have a spiritual side (as evidenced here), and I definitely believe that while we're here on earth we should try to see and experience as much as possible, always pushing ourselves to the absolute limit. While traveling to the ends of the earth is a big part of that for me, connecting with interesting people and having enlightening conversations is the other part. When we are true to ourselves and open to each other, we can really expand our experiences. I think our generation has a tendency to judge each other rather harshly (we compare ourselves to others and react offensively to counteract our own creeping self-doubt), but most of those snap judgments are made based on superficial reasons like the way we choose to dress or the music we like to listen to--and we are all so much more than that.

I've come to believe that every single person on this earth has the potential to be endlessly fascinating. Not only are we born completely unique, our experiences in life are so varied and the choices we've made and have yet to make are so infinite, if we commit to knowing ourselves and knowing others truly (madly) and deeply, that is the best way to find happiness and fulfillment in our lifetimes. This does not necessarily mean that I want to be friends with everyone or that everyone will want to be friends with me. We are not all compatible. Some may prefer to float merrily along on the surfaces of things (which I honestly find rather enviable). But if we are open and genuine with each other (and more importantly, with ourselves) we will know a true soul mate when we find one (and I mean that in both the platonic and romantic sense). I may not know what I want to "do" with my life, but I certainly know what I want to "be." And at this point, I think that's far more important.

On a totally unrelated note, last night K and I did this (can you spot the hot air balloon?):

And then this happened:

So we did this:

Went home, had some wine, and watched "Just Go With It," which I actually rather enjoyed. Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston have been impressing me lately (with Grown Ups and The Switch, respectively, and now this). Just because I like to overanalyze everything and swim in the deep sea of humanity doesn't mean that I can't enjoy a nice, light-hearted rom-com once in a while (or... often). I'm not afraid to admit to my guilty pleasures!

If you're feeling forthcoming, I'd love to hear about one of your most formative moments. Let's bust this blogging thing wide open!

Mornings in our household have been really difficult this week... I'm not sure why! A brief summary of morning events: 1) my alarm goes off, I hit snooze; 2) K's alarm goes off, he hits snooze; 3) my alarm goes off, I turn it off completely; 4) K's alarm goes off, he hits snooze; 5) I rely on K's alarm to interrupt my slumber at 5-minute intervals until the absolute last minute; 6) K keeps sleeping. I have such a hard time dragging my body out of bed and slapping clothes on it that I'm almost amazed I got dressed at all! It's strange though, I've gotten so into the habit of blogging that when I don't take outfit photos my whole day feels empty... so today I decided I had to make it happen, no matter what, and I got ready and took my photos in under half an hour, which is a major feat for me.

My tights, socks and scarf were all acquired at Goodwill this weekend for a grand total of $5. This fact makes it less annoying that a) the plaid "knee socks" that I delightedly grabbed are actually tourniquet-tight and can't do much but bunch around my ankles, which is kind of okay because I still like them but also confusing because aa) there was no indication that these were for skinny-children and bb) it's not like I have calves on steroids or anything, so I'm not sure who on God's Green Earth would be able to wiggle into these circulation-constricters and b) the tights are cheap-o quality and will probably only last a couple of wears because they are just dying to snag (in fact, there was a small snag in them at the time of purchase that I chose to overlook because I have been looking everywhere for a pair of burgundy/raspberry tights and here they were right before my eyes for $2 and I just couldn't say no) but they are also quite soft and comfortable and generally lovely and sometimes when you love something you have to overlook minor flaws like durability, no? I am considerably less annoyed by life when it doesn't cost me money :)

The color in these photos is actually rather deceptive... the tights are dark & rich, rather than bright & pink.

I think part of the reason that I'm so tired is that I've been staying up *relatively* late reading David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest (oh and watching The Bachelor--anyone else in love with that show?), which is a 1000-page brain bender and kind of exhausting to read unless I am able to focus 100% of my attention on it (which, let's face it, isn't easy when the apartment is itty-bitty and K keeps interrupting to ask me which rifle he should buy), but is actually really amusing and masterful and keeps my attention despite the fact that I have little-to-no interest in drug addiction or tennis (although I was in the tennis club in high school for exactly one year only because there was no tennis club until my friends and I mentioned we might like to learn how to play, and I do kind of enjoy the game itself). Anyway, it's taking forever... I only have approximately 500 pages to go!

(tunic: Marshall's?; skirt: stolen from mom, hemmed; shoes: Madden Girl; scarf/socks/tights: Goodwill)