make it happen

New outfit location?  For some reason I really liked this getup, so I took a picture on the back porch (which is much less stressful than exposing myself to public scrutiny).  Maybe the era of outfit photos isn't over after all... Still, there isn't really anything spectacularly thrilling about the clothes.  Mostly I just liked that my scarf matched my tights.  

There has been a lot going on in my head lately.  I've been feeling extraordinarily antisocial--leaving the house for any reason seems like such a chore, even though staying in makes me antsy and irritable.  I feel like I'm just in this holding pattern while I'm waiting for the trip to start, because I've planned so much, so many little details, and now I'm just adrift.  I feel like I can't talk about anything but the trip, but at the same time I don't really want to talk about it.  I am just WAITING.  And I hate waiting.

I've also been thinking a lot about what will happen when the trip is over.  How will I transition back into "normal" life?  K will be starting grad school at UVM (we decided to stay where we are, even though he got into EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL he applied to... what a guy), we'll be looking for a new apartment, and although I'll most likely be returning to my current job, I'm hoping to start up again in a telecommuting capacity... but I want to make sure I really start maximizing every day, making the most of this little life.

Way back in 2010, I wrote a post outlining obstacles for planning a long trip around the world.  While many of the points I made in that post are no longer relevant (I don't think that I'm a "dried-up version of my former self" because I don't want to go out dancing every night, I just feel like I'm a grown-up version of my former self), I will admit that the primary difference is that I've paid down a significant portion of my debt and am ready to start racking it up again.  So much of my life choices lately have become just that: CHOICES.  I have become more and more focused on figuring out what really makes me happy and what I do just because I can or feel like I should.

This post really struck home with me.

The reason I am happier now that I was two years ago: I decided to be.  It really is as simple as that.  That's how everything fell into place.  That's why this trip is happening.  I decided to make it happen.  So much of how we feel and what we do is dependent on our level of mindfulness and self-awareness, and I'm only starting to commit to the idea that I can make things happen for myself.  It's such a small, obvious thing, but I spent so much of my life resisting it, relying on chance or fate to make decisions for me.  It seems so silly now, so immature.  Once I identified what I really wanted (the trip, above all else), it was easy to cut superfluous spending.  I didn't kill time shopping.  I cut out cocktails and coffee beverages.  And suddenly I was able to put large chunks of money into my savings account, while still keeping up with expenses and paying down debt.  It's amazing to me how simple it was.

Despite the fact that we live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, it seems to me that most of us are neither.  We find jobs that help support our consumer habits, that allow us to pay for the outrageously expensive educations we received, that make possible the purchase of cars and homes and televisions and help support the raising of children who will most likely go on to overpriced universities and spend the rest of their lives repeating the cycle.  We lay down roots and are comforted by their strength as they thicken and stretch.  We think we're doing what we want because that's what we have been taught or told to want. That, to me, is not freedom.  We do what is easy, what pays the bills, what is socially acceptable.   That, to me, is not bravery.

Traveling around the country in a car for three months is not everyone's idea of a good time.  We have mixed reactions when we tell people our plans--some are envious, some are incredulous.  What matters is that is where MY happy is.  Or maybe it's not.  Maybe I've just idealized and romanticized it my whole life, and in fact I will have a terrible time and be cured of my wanderlust forevermore.  The point is, I need to find out.  I need to do it.  And so I will, because I can.  

What would you do, if you could do anything?

1. the big trip: identifying obstacles

Last July, Anil over at FoXnoMad posted the "7 Reasons You Won't Travel the World." I only discovered it last week on a tip from the envy-inducing world travelers at ...Sending Postcards, but it certainly struck a chord. I've mentioned that travel is one of my most consuming passions, and I truly feel that my life will not be complete until I've covered as much ground on each continent as I can physically and financially finagle. I've decided to put these seven reasons to the test.

1. You are comfortable at your job.

It is easy to feel comfortable with routine, and while my job allows me a certain sense of stability, it also leaves me feeling entirely too static. I don't earn enough money to make a serious dent in my dizzying debt, but I do make enough to discourage any attempt to seek more satisfying employment with a less substantial paycheck. Comfort has never really been something that I've sought. I don't mind sleeping under the stars or in a tent or in a hostel or on an airplane or on a couch somewhere--my body has an incredible ability to fit into small spaces or bounce back from long hours of discomfort. I never wear appropriate walking shoes, but if the opportunity presents itself I will walk barefoot up a mountain with my heels in my hands. I would rather forgo sleep than miss out on precious hours of a beautiful day in a new place. It can be nice to come home from a day at the office and sit on the couch and watch movies and eat the same sandwich every night, but before I had a real job I would never have passed on a night out and now I generally just feel like I have no spontaneous energy. That is not who I am--that is a dried-up version of my former self. This is partially because of my "comfortable" job, and I'm not comfortable with that.

2. You think it's expensive and don't know how to pay for it.

This is my most significant obstacle. I have debt to pay off from my relatively reckless wandering years, and it has been difficult to balance the excitement of a potential adventure in the future with my desire to live presently. Financially speaking. I'm still working on this. It's difficult, especially because this blog is focuses primarily on personal style, and to buy clothes I need to spend money. I may have to get even more creative with my thrifting in order to cut back on my clothing budget.

3. You don't know where you'd go.

More accurately, I don't know where I wouldn't go. I know that realistically I will have to compromise my vision and cross a few countries or continents off my list, but I already have a few places in mind that can probably wait. The goal is to have one big trip that will take somewhere between six months to a year, but it will be nice to leave a few stones unturned for shorter visits in the future. I know I may also need to be a little bit flexible about my dream time-frame. I would love to travel indefinitely until I can't take it anymore, but in all likelihood it will be difficult to make that happen.

4. You'll miss your family and friends.

I can't imagine that I'll have trouble with this one. Whenever I've travelled in the past I've become so absorbed with whatever I was doing or seeing that anything outside my immediate realm of existence momentarily ceased to matter. That said, I have no intention (at this point) to travel alone. I know I am not extroverted enough to content myself with the company of strangers while on the road, and I truly want to have someone special to share the experience with. I'm sure I will be able to keep in contact with the other important people in my life through email and other means (postcards!), so I'm not terribly worried about that.

5. You have kids or will soon.

Not likely. The timeline I imagined for my life when I was a young girl has already shifted to allow a little bit of twenty-something breathing room. And while I know that traveling with children is quite possible and (I think) beneficial for them, I know that I need to get some of this wanderlust out of my system before I "settle down."

6. You don't know what your significant other will say.

When I told K we should take a trip around the world after he finished graduate school, he was... well... less enthused than I was. Needless to say, that was not the response I was looking for. However, as Anil says, "a first reaction is not a final reaction." K is used to my harebrained schemes and they rarely (if ever) come to fruition, so he knows not to give these things much serious thought. Consider yourself warned, K!

7. You will travel the world but maybe a few years from now.

As far as Anil is concerned, saying that I will travel the world "later" is as good as procrastinating myself out of the possibility. I disagree, mainly because I have a few extenuating circumstances that need to be taken into account and a few loose ends that need tying. I know I want this but I also know I have to be realistic--until I have some money saved, I'd be in big trouble trying to take a trip of this magnitude.

Take that, seven reasons! The only roadblocks I seem to face are financial weakness and the power of procrastination. Both of these can be taken care of in time... as long as the time frame doesn't keep widening until I'm old and grey! In the spirit of inspiring myself to overcome these obstacles, I am going to start weekly postings of my past travel adventures. I hope you'll come along for the ride!